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Sunday, January 30th, 2005

Time:6:05 pm.
GucciDebutante may actually be a spider-human hybrid


From Go-Quiz.com
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Wednesday, January 26th, 2005

Subject:Oh it's been an interesting week so far...
Time:8:14 pm.
Mood: naughty.
So this week seems to be going by really quickly, which is definetely a nice thing, I can' t handle weeks that seem to last forever, they're really annoying. So yesterday wasn't all that eventful, but I guess it was okay, I was really tired though. I need to stop staying up so late on the phone with brandon cause it's definetely affecting my sleep lol.. Aside from that classes were boring n stuff and totally uneventful, then there was the basketball game, so I went and cheered at that, god it was hard to watch since they lost by 4 to Sequim, argh. Then I came home and did some of my homework, actually I was going to do it, but I didn't actually get around to it until like 10 because I'm lazy like that, but I eventually buckled down and started it all. Jesus christ was I exhausted when I finally finished all my homework, I was actually braindead, then I went to sleep, well more of as soon as I started to go to sleep Brandon text messaged me and thought I was ignoring him or something so I called him to straighten that all out..needless to say we got in a fight(no surprise), because of this weekend, well kind of, but then not really about all that at all, and I'm not really sure what's going on now at all because he said some stuff but I don't know if he actually meant it. So I'm in a state of confusion(what's new?) but about other stuff too, hmm yeah enough about that. So school today was fine, but I was operating on like 3 hours of sleep(no joke) because of last night, So I took some no-doz at break because I was totally dead, then managed to struggle through my day, ugh I really hope I can actually get some sleep tonight so I'm not dying tomorrow, but we'll see... Anyways, I can't really think of anything else to write, well actually there is lots of stuff I could write but I don't think it's livejournal appropriate hehehhehhe, well enough for now, adios
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Monday, January 24th, 2005

Subject:Ahh TOLO '05= party and a half lol
Time:10:31 pm.
Mood: giggly.
So I haven't actually updated in forever, but man post tolo would probably be the best time to start again lol..So the day started out okay, spent the night at cami's house the night before and we watched some movies then finally went to sleep around 2, then we woke up the next day and i went home at about 2:30 and started getting ready but I only had time to get my stuff together and my hair straightened before brittany came and got me to go to sophia's and start getting ready, yeah I definetely didn't have enough time. I put on all my makeup on the ferry and so I wasn't even ready until we got over to seattle, then we went to Red Robin and had to wait for a table, and we actually ate in about 10 mins so that we could get back to the ferry int ime to catch the 8:00 boat so that we wouldnt miss the beginning of the dance, and yeah got there, took pictures which were actually really funny, me and shane kept cracking up in ours because the lady ahd to pose us since we were both like retarded, it was hilarious. Then we took our group picture and like the power on the camera went out right before we took it so we had to wait like 15 minutes for it to work, then it worked and we all went upstairs and danced, and wow so shane hadn't danced with anyone before, definetely a good dancer, im pretty sure I only danced with like 6 different guys the whole time cause I kept dancing with the same ones over, it was really funny. The whole dance was soo much fun though, it was definetely one of my favorite ones so far, it's might actually be my favorite one,so that was cool.. Then my group went back to sophias after the dance all except for shane and the majority of us just got drunk as hell, it was so funny, all i'll say is some funny shit went down that night, then i went upstairs and claimed a bed while i could, cause being that drunk there was no way i was passing out on the floor and kev came upstairs and i talked to him for awhile then we started to go to sleep then brittany came upstairs and slept in the bed too, apparently ppl downstairs thought me and kev were hooking up which is random as hell lol, then cam came upstairs too and slept on the floor, and im pretty sure we all didnt get to slepe until like 5:30 or 6 am and i woke up the next morning to kev jumping on me and bree yelling at us to wake up, and i was deifnetely still drunk at 10:15 lol, and I was hungover until i woke up at 9:30 that night cause i went home and just slept on and off throughout the day but for the majority of the day, it was interesting, but overall that was my tolo experience and it was a memorable one....
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Thursday, January 20th, 2005

Time:6:50 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
First best friend: Klaire o'Hare, still one of my best friends, our moms are best friends and her mom was pregnant with her when my mom was with me and her mom was there at my birth (pregnant) and then my mom was at hers with little baby me and we've been best friends ever since..
First car: N/A, well not yet, i'll be getting a Jetta I do believe
First date: The winter dance in 6th grade w/ Zac Andrus!
First real kiss: Zac Andrus hehehehhe, best kiss ever, well it was really cute you see cause we went out for 4 months before he kissed me..
First screen name: moxygirl88
First self purchased CD:No Doubt 'Tragic Kingdom', it's still my favorite cd of all time.
First pets: My cat consuela and my chicken madonna(it was blonde)
First musician heard in your house: Beatles or Bob Marley, Steel Pulse
Last cigarette: EW! FILTH, well actually I must admit, I smoked a clove cigarette which wasn't that bad, and i smoked half of an actual cigarette cause i was pissed as fuck at someone and i knew it would piss them off, im never doing it again, i am such a retard! DON'T SMOKE!!
Last car ride: Taylor driving me home from cheerleading
Last kiss: haha Brandon, on Monday morning before he went back to bellingham
Last library book checked out: This book 'Caramelo' by Sandra Cisneros, it's pretty cool, and i checked out some magazines today
Last movie seen: Coach Carter last weekend
Last beverage drank: Cranberry Grape Juice
Last food consumed: Some Honey Nut Cheerios
Last crush: Brandon, i think that's a little more then a crush though lol
Last phone call: Brandon, a couple of hours ago
Last time showered: Just got out, im all clean yay yay yay!
Last shoes worn: My fuzzy leopard print slippers...sexy i know!
Last cd played: My new Keith Urban cd
Last annoyance: finding NO food in my house since my housesitter ate it all
Last disappointment: Shawna not bringing me my money today GAH!
Last shirt worn: A white button up, buttoned up halfway with a pink and white polka dot shirt underneath
Last website visited: www.mollybrownswim.com
Last word/s you said: Bye (on the phone)
Last song you sang: Haha the VHS fight song?
What color socks are you wearing? none, my feets are nekkid!
What color of underwear are you wearing? PINK!
What's under your bed? Shoeboxes filled with pictures and mementos and stuff
What time did you wake up today? 7:00 am

where do you want to go? France again, or brazil.
What is your career going to be? I want to be an actress or since that'll never happen a lawyer or doctor
How many kids do you want? three
What kind of car(s):Mercedes coupe convertible, a pimp car like a bentley or something and an escalade

Current mood: Well was depressed, now not so much, but really stressed, but excited cause of tolo.
Current music: Tupac 'Secretz of War'
Current taste: cheerios
Current hair: wet pony tail
Current desktop picture: our cheer squad from last year
Current color of toenails: NEKKID TOO, nothing lol
Current hate: School and people not calling me back...
(x) been drunk
(x) been high
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped-----Worst experience ever, definetely worst pain ever
( ) been fired or laid off
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) ever dated someone of the same sex
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) stole something from my job
( ) gone on a blind date
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(x) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( ) cut myself on purpose
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die.
( ) been to Africa.
(x) Punched a friend
( ) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show(the movie yeah)
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now--you all have no idea........

1. Nervous Habits? craking my knuckles, tapping my foot, and playing with my hair
2. Are you double jointed? on my thumbs
3. Can you roll your tongue? hahha no
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? oh yes oh yes
5 Can you blow spit bubble? yes
6. Can you cross your eyes? yep
7. Tattoos? no
8. Piercings and where? 5 on ears, my nose, my belly button and eventually my tongue when i get the $
9. Do you make your bed daily? ha no

10. Which shoe goes on first? doesn't matter, whichever is closest
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?hahah yes, many many times, who needs a gun when you have a shoe?
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? like 2 -5 $, right now nothing though
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? my nose ring, my belly button ring and usually earrings
14. Favorite piece of clothing? my juicy couture track suit and this lifeguarding sweatshirt i stole from brandon, it reminds me of him

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl, im really messy at eating it though, probably because of that... i will never eat spaghetti on a date for this reason
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? nope, almost had to during spirit week in MCM in 7th grade, but alas no thank god
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? this coconut ice cream from hawaii from this ice cream parlor Lapperts, they have it at thriftway and i actually had a seizure in the ice cream aisle when i saw it!
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? like 3 but ill only eat 1, the other ones are hippie junk
19. What's your favourite beverage? Pina Coladas, ahhahah yes! and diet coke, iced tea and juice, i looooooove juice! ah yes and alcohols of course, those are always fun
20. What's your favorite restaurant? a chinese restaurant in Tucson called bamboo terrace and a mexican restaurant called La Indita, but for a good ol tme go to Bennihana it is so entertaining!
21. Do you cook? yeah i love cooking

22. How often do you brush your teeth? morning and night, unless i pass out before i can brush em at night
23. Hair drying method? air, sometime blow dry but only if i dont have much time and i wanna straighten it quick
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? yeah a lot

25. Do you swear? oh yesh definetely
26. Do you ever spit? no, ew, that's dirty

27. Animal? my cat Kato, he is kickass bitches!
28. Food? chinese food or sushi, o ya another good restaurant, well actually 2, there's this japanese restaurant in tacoma calles fujiyawa, it's kickass, and an indian restaurant i went to w/ brandon and his fam, it's sooo fucking good!
29. Month? July, good things always seem to happen in july, and december because of the holidays, i love the christmas season
30. Day? Saturday, or thursdays are always nice cause they sneak up and you're like whoa dude, there's only one more school day til weekend!
31. Favorite Cartoon Character? either the aliens on the simpsons/dr nick or stewie from family guy
32. Shoe Brand? ahha well shoes i can afford-Steve madden, shoes I can't- Jimmy Choo, ah yes and old navy flip flops are amazing
33. Subject in school? Art
34. Color? Pink, light green and red
35. Sport? Volleyball
36. TV show? The O.C. Americas Next Top Model(between seasons) SNL and ANYTHING ON VH1!!!!!

41. The CD player? My Keith Urban cd brandon got me for christmas
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Brandon, a LOT then probably carly
43. Ever taken a cab? yes
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? yes, it's a habit, its not a conceited thing im usually like wow lets see how ugly i am at the moment!
45. What color is your bedroom? white
46. Do you use an alarm clock? yes
47. Window seat or aisle? window, i like having a window to lean on and i hate people making me get up for them to get out...bastards

48. What's your sleeping position? on one of my side curled up in a little ball kinda, but my fave is with brandons arms around me, he keeps me warm cause i get cold when i sleep and i feel safe
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? yeah, i just crank up my fan a lot so it's normal temp and i'd feel naked in just a sheet
51. Do you talk in your sleep? never, but when i was in france my parents told me one morning i had a perfectly fluent french conversation in my sleep..
52. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? sometimes, my little monkey named boo, from brandon
53. How about with the light on? never, light pisses me off, well unless im napping then i dont care much
54. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? no tv, sometimes the radio on weekends
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, December 20th, 2004

Subject:winter break... thank god
Time:6:02 pm.
Mood: refreshed.
I am so glad it's winter break, I think I was going to die if I had to keep going to school, it was getting to be too much for me, with all the cheerleading drama and stuff, it's such a relief that my life is finally normal-ish now lol, well it's just not drama filled and stupid anymore, so I don't really have to stress about it anymore thank god. Aside from that life is pretty good also, I need to find a job though, like really badly, I need some sort of income i am so broke right now god damnit, lol.. I'll probably try and get one one of these days though. I really need to finish my christmas shopping, i haven't even like done any of it so far, I am so far behind and chirstmas is in like 5 days ahhhhhhhhhhh i need to get on that, and im gonna im gonna go order some presents online.
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Monday, December 6th, 2004

Subject:well fuck...
Time:10:17 pm.
Mood: confused.
oy, i am so confused, i don't know what to do. I hate having problems that I am scared to approach and don't know how to solve them, because in this problem someone's going to get hurt.fuck! I really ca't handle this on top of volleyball....
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Subject:I hate my life.........
Time:6:06 pm.
Mood: sad.
This fucking sucks, I just had to quit my club volleyball team. I missed my practice on Saturday and it wasn't my fault, so I tried to email my coach because I didn't have her phone number to tell her that I couldn't make it, but she didn't get that email until today, so she thought I was some huge flake, so she called me today to see if I was still going to be on the team, and then she told me that the practices were permanently going to be tuesday's from 8-10, and I have basketball games to cheer for that night, so i was totally fucked, so she basically told me i might as well quit, so I told her that I agreed it wouldn't be fair for me to not be there as much as the whole team, so I quit and I am totally fucked now for next season, and I might as well give up on playing at all in college, even if it's at a small school, I am so fucked, I don't know what I am going to do....ugh im gonna go cray some more now, i fucking hate my life....
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, December 2nd, 2004

Subject:mmm almost TGIF............
Time:10:39 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
I really just can't wait for it to be the weekend. I am actually on the brink of losing my sanity this week, it's not okay in the slightest. Cheerleading has been going really really badly, I wish I could just quit, but I could never bring myself to doing that, I like the cheering part too much. On the bad side Laurie hates me with a passion..for no fucking apparent reason, one of these days if she doesn't quit bitching at me and critisizing me for stuff I don't do i'm actually going to go off on her. If there is one thing I hate in this world it's being treated with disrespect when disrespect isn't deserved. Oh well I'll just put up with it I guess.. Aside from that this week has actually been useless in every way, school, it's so stupid, I don't even understand the point of classes the first week of a new trimester, I haven't done anything in any of my classes aside from geometry, but that doesn't count because I like that class. But I guess there's no point in bitching about it, it's just pointless I guess and pointless stuff pisses me off..actually a lot of stuff has pissed me off lately, I really don't get it, I just get pissed off so easily this year, it kinda sucks and I feel bad for the people around me, well only sometimes, it's kind of liberating in a sense too because im not really scared to say what im thinking to someone when im pissed at them anymore..alright well im rambling again, ack... well im off
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Tuesday, November 30th, 2004

Time:10:28 pm.
Mood: peaceful.
01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
Yes-02. Swam with wild dolphins
Yes-03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
Yes-08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
Yes-09. Hugged a tree
Yes-10. Done a striptease teehee.
11. Bungee jumped
Yes-12. Visited Paris
Yes-13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
Yes-14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun
Yes-15. Seen the Northern Lights
Yes-16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower
of Pisa
Yes-18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
Yes-20. Slept under the stars
Yes-21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Yes-23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
Yes-25. Given more than you can afford to charity
Yes-26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Yes-27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the
worst possible moment
Yes-28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
Yes-30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
Yes-32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
Yes-34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
Yes (well sort of, it wasn't mine)36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
Yes-37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
Yes-39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
Yes-40. Seen a total eclipse
Yes-41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
Yes-44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was
Yes-45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
Yes-(Lys France, the pop. was 23)46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
Yes-47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for
just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
Yes-50. Loved your job for all accounts
OMG YES!-51. Taken care of someone who was shit-faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Yes-53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
Yes-55. Watched wild whales
Yes-56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
Yes-58. Taken a road-trip
Yes-59. Gone rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that
country to avoid notice
Yes-61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had
a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
Yes-68. Milked a cow
Yes lol-69. Alphabetized your records/cds
Yes-70. Pretended to be a superhero
Yes-71. Sung karaoke
Yes-72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Gone scuba diving
HAHA I wish-75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
Yes-76. Kissed in the rain
Yes-77. Played in the mud
Yes-78. Played in the rain
Yes-79. Gone to a drive-in theater
Yes, all the time-80. Done something you should regret, but don't
regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
No, but i have regretted saying things sometimes cause sometimes ppl read them who i dont think they will-82. Discovered that someone who's not
supposed to have known about your blog has discovered
your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Yes-86. Toured ancient sites
Yes-87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
Yes-91. Been in a movie
Yes-92. Crashed a party
Don't even get me started...yes-93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
I'm not sure?94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
Yes-97. Gone without food for 5 days
Yes-98. Made cookies from scratch
Yes-(with kali)99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn
you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
Yes, god it was embarassing-104. Been on television news programs
Yes-105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
My birthday party...WHAT?-107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
Yes-109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
Yes-111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stands
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
HAHAHA-119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
Yes-122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to
defend someone
123. Bounced a check
LOL, does doing the Time Warp in a movie theater count?-124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite
childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
Does Amsterdam count as exotic?-130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Yes, One of my great uncles was president franklin pierce131. Found out something significant that your
ancestors did
Yes-132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
Yes, a lot-136. Sang loud in the car; didn't stop when you
knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did.
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
Yes-144. Petted a stingray
Yes-145. Broken someone's heart
Yes-146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
Yes-149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater
than 100mph
Yes-154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Yes, but not in that way-156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the
Yes-157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
Yes-160. Had a snake as a pet
Yes-161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight,
and landing
Yes-163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of
48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
Yes-170. Eaten sushi
Yes-171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 or more healthy romantic relationships for
over a year in your lifetime
Yes-173. Changed someone's mind about something you care
deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
Yes-176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Pet a cockroach
Yes-179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
Some bits-180. Read The Iliad
Yes-181. Selected one "important" author who you
missed in school, and read.
A Fork-182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen something
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because
you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
Yes-184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the
187. Skipped all your school reunions
Yes-188. Communicated with someone without sharing a
common spoken language
Does ASB count-189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know
195. Had a booth at a street fair
Yes-196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via
199. Written your own role playing game
No, but there have been close calls-200. Been arrested
201. Made love outside in the pouring rain.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:10:06 pm.
Mood: contemplative.

You Are the Loyalist


You have strong relationships and are intensely loyal.

People find you easy to love and care for.

You like your world to be stable and secure, no surprises.

You're cautious. You prefer your inner circle to the outside world.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, November 29th, 2004

Subject:Hmm, a whole week, and i think im more confused now then before...
Time:6:40 pm.
Mood: lonely.
I am so glad to be starting a new trimester, last one was just plain worth forgetting, shitty in every possible way. My new schedule is pretty good I guess. It's a relief to be in my last required trimester of spanish, phew! It's nice though, my schedule is generally easy, I have English(Not going to slack off this trimester, going to finally listen to everyone and get up to my full potential), then Spanish 2nd period, 3rd period world history, it's a relief hannah's in there because otheriwse i'd be pretty lonely, well jamie and noah are in there, so that's good, but I need a girl in there too lol. 4th period I have geometry again, which I don't really mind, I got an 86% on my final(higher then most people, which shocked me) but im 1% shy of getting a B+ in the class which kind of pisses me off and granquist isn't willing to "fix" it. Then I have drawing and painting 5th period, god it's a relief to have Dubin 5th period again, I'd die if I had a core class 5th period. So it's nice school is working out, and thenthe past week..about that... Well last week was thanksgiving break and everything, i surprisingly had fun too, that was nice, from tuesday on I had pie baking for cheerleading, aaaaaa it was insane nazi slave labor lol. We baked a sick number of pies(in the hundreds) and so I did that tuesday, then i went home and did some editing on ym english essay, then the power went out and brandon came over and we hung out, so that was fun. Then wednesday I had my art final, so I didn't even bother going into school until almost 10, it was very nice, just sat in dubins room all day, I actually just went to biology and geometery lol, im hella lazy. Then I baked more pies after school and went home and mike and kev picked me up and we went to sarahs and watched Elf, it was pretty damn funny. Then I went home and eventually went to sleep, it was an interesting night, i was pretty sure brandon was mad at me(no idea why) but he was rambling about something in his text messages to me then eventually just stopped talking all together, so i felt really akward when he came and picked me up for thanksgiving on thursday cause i thought he was mad at me, but that got un-akward pretty fast i guess. Thanksgiving was really fun though, I actually love brandon's family, they are so amazing. I had a really good thanksgiving with them. It was impossible for me to not fall back into old habits with him though and I did, so I just gave up in general. Then we came back to vashon and hung out at his moms house, then i just spent the night over there. Firday we went shopping(day after thanksgiving, it's an undertaking) and that was really fun, it was insane and crowded, but I had so much fun anyways, I love it when it starts getting all wintery and all the holiday stuff starts, im pretty sure brandon thinks im like in love with chirstmas now lol. Then we came back to vashon and went to Lara's party, it was real akward for me at first cause i was pretty sure it was all people who graduated last year, but then i heard lara talking and she was saying to someone that it was totally fine i was there so i like let out a sigh of relief lol. We played some drinking games and of course as usual, soon enough I was drunk lol. Then I guess Kel was havng a party and within 5 minutes his whole party migrated to lara's. So it was one big party, and there was drama, ah yes there was drama, I was definetely involved in it though, so that was awsome(not) and i'd rather not get into my involvement in it all lol cause it's all old news. Then I went home and hour and a half past my curfew and passed my mom on my driveway while she was going to a birth(shes a midwife) and i was like shiiiiiiit, so we just kept driving and that was interesting, then brandon spent the night at my house and the next day i didnt do really anything all day, but i went to sarahs at like 10 pm lol, and stayed there for awhile, then i went home, and sunday, didnt do anything yet again, and went into seattle with brandon, it was nice to see him before he went back up to western. So that's basically been my weekend, but idk, i'm having mixed feelings again. I don't know what to do at all, I really want to just forget all that shit happened with b and go back to the way things were, and just like erase it from my memory so I can feel totally normal around him again and trust him again, god, i would kill to be able to do that, but it's just not pissible for me right now, even after this past week which I spent the majority of my time with him, I felt so much better, I wanted things to be the same again so badly, but I just can't get rid of my defensive guard I have put up against him lol, I just can't do it, i'm so scared of getting hurt, and I mean like this weekend things were so much like they have always been if not better, but i'm so confused, I don't know what I should do, I want to talk to him about it but I don't know what to say, I mean seriously, what would I say "so yeah umm, i want to trust you, but do we even have a relationship anymore since we already agreed it was over? Is it over? Am I supposed to want you more then ever before now?" I just don't know what to do, I really really really just wish this all hadn't happened, then I could just be sitting ehre looking forward to christmas break where i'm going to get to see him for like 3 weeks and not have to worry about him cheating on me(well at least I hope i wouldn't). Oh well I guess I just need to sort this all out in my head before anything else...........UGH boys confuse me so much, he acted soooo normal this weekend, not to mention like 20 times sweeter then he usually does and it just made me want to be with him so badly, but i can't and it kills me.... okay im just rambling in emotion now so I'm going to go ramble in my head lol.....
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Monday, November 22nd, 2004

Subject:what a weekend...
Time:7:37 pm.
Mood: confused.
So it was my birthday this weekend, well more as i write this it's my birthday today, but my party and stuff was this weekend, and wow, it was actually amazing, so on friday i went and hung out with carly and we went to degroots and i got drunk playing drinking games and stuff, it was actually really fun, and then i went home and the next day i went to cheer camp in the morning until like 1 then i went into seattle to go get my clothes for my party and pretty much just shop, then me and carly picked brandon up from the bus station, cause he came down here to surprise me for my birthday, but it wasn't really a surprise because he thought i was mad cause he said he couldnt come so he told me he was coming lol, i guess that kind of scored some brownie points for him, but im still feeling really cautious around him, i dont know why, well yeah i do, it's hard not to when you dont trust someone in the slightest. Then we missed our ferry so we had over an hour to kill and brandon had brought me down a 5th of Absolut Vanilla and so i drank a bunch of that before we even got on the ferry, so I was drunk by the time we even got on the ferry, and so i get dressed and walk up the stairs to go to the bathroom, and like the first person I see is fucking mrs. kirkland! aaa so i ran away and went to the bathroom, then I came back downstairs and finished getting my makeup done, then we got to vashon and we stopped at carly's house and mine and finally got to raquels at 10:30 lol, and by the time i was there i was pretty much gone and proceeded to drink a shitload of peach schnapps and a couple of shots of jaeger, so i was soooooo intoxicated and i dont even remember the end of my party, but apparently i got hella pissed and brandon because sarah b told me that alea kissed brandon, which is still up in the air if she did or not so idk, but then i guess brandon and carly took me home, but i wouldnt even let brandon near me so garret and carly carried me out to the car lol, then brandon and carly took me inside my house and I guess i was just hella fucked up and puked on carly and then in my bed when i got home, not to fun huh? then i woke up sunday morning, still drunk may i add and called sarah and brandon to see what all happened to me the night before lol, and figured that all out, then had to go to my soccer game, so i played the whole first half wasted, so that was interesting, but then i started feeling less and less drunk, which was definetely good, yay! Then i came home and slept for hella long and i wound up going into seattle with brandons family and out to dinner and a movie, which was actually really fun, i really dont know what to do with that boy though, because I really do like him so much still but i dont trust him at all, so anything is out of the question, but i dont know what to do, i cant like keep myself away from him lol. it's really bad all my friends bitched at me today for kissing him on saturday night, but i couldnt help it! aaa i really dont know what to do, i guess maybe stuff will work itself out over thanksgiving break cause he's coming down here tomorrow, im pretty sure he probably wont even wanna talk to me/see me aside from thanksgiving though so maybe not... i guess we'll seeeeee
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Wednesday, November 17th, 2004

Subject:I give up
Time:9:55 pm.
I tried to upload the pics onto here but it wouldn't let me, so IM me if you wanna see em, and ill send em to ya.
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Subject:Yay, homecoming pics!!
Time:9:30 pm.
So my day was shitty, but on the bright side Cam sent me the link to some of the pictures from our homecoming group, yay! that was exciting, I hadn't seen any of those pictures yet. I'll post some of em up here if I can figure out how to do that. Aside from that school was really boring today, totally un-eventful and bland, but hell what can ya do. Cheerleading wasn't much better, I'm seriously kind of wishing i wasn't doing it, I have a feeling this whole "squad UNity" concept thing Isn't going to work out, it seems destined for troupble to me, and I'm pretty sure Laurie hates the basketball squad, because that's what it totally seems like to me.... well i'm gonna try and upload some homecoming pics.
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Monday, November 15th, 2004

Subject:Well on the bright side i have my slice of pumpkin pie...............
Time:9:15 pm.
Mood: lonely.
So today at school sucked, I felt like such a fool since it turns out the majority of my friends knew about what was going on and didn't tell me, that definetely hurt, and me and cami got in a huge fight about it during break today, so not only did I already lose what somewhat remained of a relationship, i also almost lost another one on account of it. I'm a little more calmed down right now, but it's starting to piss me off, everyone's trying to dictate how I should react to this, some people saying just to totally say fuck it and even end the friendship, but that's not what I want, and it's really hard. I just want everyone to leave me alone about it so I can try and forget it, but it's hard when everyone is talking to me about it and pretty much saying "I told you so" (of course in a trying to be caring sort of way) : / So aside from that it was really cool, my day was crappy aside from that, My mom is a stupid whore who called mr.cooley and told him that one of my absences was forged and she didn't excuse it so I might lose credit for english now, how awesome is that? yeah fucking horrible, she did it just because we've been fighting too, i was like wow you are horrible, when I got home today my mom was a bitch about it too, i was like wow you got me in so much trouble and she was like good, you deserve it, and i was like do you not realize i might lose credit for this and she was like good, you should! i was like wow way to be horrible mom. Then there was cherleading, eh pretty mcuh pointless today, we just talked for like an hour, and it sucks, im missing my volleyball banquet because we have cheer camp from 5-8 pm on friday and laurie said i'll have to miss my banquet, which is such bullshit, but oh well.... i dont know, I just can't wait for this week to be over, it's been really bad. I'm hoping my birthday turns out to be really fun, but we'll see, I don't even like wanna have a birthday, it's just going to be a disappointment like everything else and I don't think I could handle that too.. okay well i'm not in a good modd so im gonna go...bleh
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Sunday, November 14th, 2004

Time:6:48 pm.
Mood: infuriated.
so i just got home from bellingham... well technically i just got home from my volleyball tryouts at club wahine in burien. I am actually looking forward to going to school tomorrow because i am just done with everything right now, i am furious in every possible way and hurt and insulted.. okay to start from the beginning, this week has been shit for me.. my tryout of cheerleading went really bad cause i did it early, then the next day i went up to bellingham and almost missed my bus, and then I got up there and it was fun and stuff, got drunk friday night, real drunk lol, taking OC pounds, whenever anyone hot would come on the screen we would take a pound, hella fun but now i dont really remember what happened this week on the show (anyone wanna give me the rundown?).. then we stayed up drinking for awhile then we went to sleep, and friday was fun, hung out with brandon all day, then we went to the mall with some other people in his dorm and i got a realy cute shirt from aeropostale..friday night, questionable..well actually it was really good at first, we were having fun, we played some drinking games, got real fucked up and im sure as hell glad i did now because otherwise i dont think i could ahve made it through friday night...considering brandon fucking lied to me, god, i am still so angry, hurt, untrusting, used and actually disposable and worthless, god i am still furious, im not going to get into details, but it's not fucking nice to fuck someone, and not tell me about it when they swore they would, and keep it a secret from me for over a month, but wait there's more, it fucking happed 3 more times! FUCK! I HATE GUYS, WHY DO YOU FUCK ME OVER SO MUCH? WHY DO I FUCKING FORGIVE YOU? I dont even know, i should ahve given up long before this, but im putting my foot down because you treat me like shit? hmm wanna know exactly how i feel right now? maybe ill go fuck some guys and not tell you about it until i've got 5 under my belt, how would you feel? shitty im betting.. but whatever, im moving on, if you ever want me back you can fucking change because i will not be walked over all over again, i have too much respect for myself now.
But aside from that, i had tryouts today and i totally bombed them, it sucked, so im gonna go take a shower and cry, it's been so hard to hold it all in for the past 24 hours...
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Tuesday, November 9th, 2004

Subject:blah blah blah
Time:11:41 pm.
Mood: depressed.
ahah I have't updated for the whole month of november so far, aren't I awesome? haha well there have only been almost 10 days in it so far, but im still awesome lol. I've been so busy lately I haven't actually had time to function. There was haloween and what not and then after that I was just so busy with school and volleyball, one of which is now over and sadly that is not school... but yeah volleyball, it ended this past saturday at districts, we almost went to state, and that would have been pretty cool, but oh well there's always next year, besides, next year we're going to be fucking amazing ahaha! Aside from that there have been all the nice normal little stresses in my life, ah yeah and my birthday is in less than 2 weeks, I have totally started my countdown and am soooo pumped up, it's my 16th so im hoping it'll be cool, my birthdays seem to suck these past fw years cause they always go by unnoticed and what not, it's kinda depressing, and to make matters worse this year my birthday is on the first day of finals, and not to mention they are my most un-looked-forward-to finals, english and spanish, where the teachers both despise me, but oh well maybe ill get some bday sympathy(doubtful)... on the bright side, awesome birthdayparty coming up, except who knows if that will actually go down, since sarah's parents aren't into it being there anymore, so we're left with an amazing plan and theme and nowhere to have it, and the theme wouldn't work too well outside, pimps and hos in this weather=not okay! So I hope all that works out. I thought once volleyball ended I would be unstressed..yeah I was wrong, I have cheerleading tryouts after school til 5:30 all this week, well actually tomorrow is MY last day because I'm going to bellingham on thursday and I'm recording my tryouts on video, so I hope I do okay on that, I'm kinda scared that it'll get a harsher critique since the judges will only be able to see meeeee... aaa but not only that I have club volleyball tryouts on sunday for Club Wahine and I'm really pumped up for that, i mean I'm kinda scared, not really of not making a team but more of making a bad team, I really wanna make a nationals team even though the cost is $3,500+ per season, but it's worth it, you get so much more experience, I'd be fine with a regional team though too, so we'll see, i'm just perma-busy for the rest of this year I guess then too lol... maybe that'll calm down soon. Aside from all that stuff is going okay I guess, i've been really emotionally not okay lately, I think this weather changes my mood quite a bit, but then again i am easily upset too, it's really hard though, I hate it when I'm unhappy, but I am unhappy the majority of the time or the littlest thing changes my mood for the worse and being stressed doesn't help, and the fact that I';ve been really sick lately, I get sick with soemthing, then it goes away then like 2 days later i get sick with something else, for districts I was sick out of my mind and had to take double-doses of dayquill to stay alive for the tournament, I went there with a 101 degree fever and migraine and such a sore throat i couldnt swallow but i managed okay, well actually pretty damn well actually.. well aside from all my bitching and stuff, other stuff is goingokay though I guess, there's been way too much drama lately, it just amkes me kinda bottle up everything im feeling because i dont want drama of my own, but im thinking that's unhealthy and maybe I need to just start speaking my mind on stuff and get it all out, regardless of the drama it may cause...bleh anyways, I should probably be heading off since i dont ahve much else to write.
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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004

Subject:No me gusta hacer la tarea...pero tengo que necesito hacer la tarea..BASTARDS
Time:10:01 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
mm i'm really tired and how fun it is that I still have probably 2+ hours of homework, won't that be awesome?.. yes I think so too.. well at least I don't have volleyball tomorrow.. I'm still in a really foul mood right now even though I don't have THAT much of a reason to be in one, I guess it all always starts with my mornings. This morning was no exception, so I wake up at 7:15(im not sure why I slept through my alarm since i got 13+ hours of sleep the day before, but alas I did) and so I get up, throw on clothes and what not, and go to school, suffer through english and basically my day was blah and stuff, and i have a B- in biology when I should ahve an A or an A- which just pissed me off.. o well I can get it up to par tanguay said, but im still pissy lol regardless of all that. Then after lunch was stil pretty shitty, but i guess it was good to be in geometry, because I have atest in that class tomorrow, which I of course still have to study for, but i understand things a little more now because I kinda know how to do things now. Aside from that.. oo yeah I finished this really cool pastel drawing of a hibiscus flower and it is really cool and bright and colorful, not to mention HUGE! ahh, but it was a relief to finish that so im not so behind in class anymore because Im pretty much behind in everything because I keep getting sick, it's really pissing me off, especially because I was like never sick last year...damn immune system.. but back to the point, my day, so after school i had volleyball and it wasnt like a bad practice or anything, but I just couldn't make myself put in 100% because I like wasn't all there I guess, i was just a little spacey cadet lol. then after that I came home and *GASP* started on my english essay as soon as i got home, but that didn't last for long because me and mydad went and got pizza and watched the redsox cardinals game and then i came home and started on the essay again, and all was going well until I got to my stupid conclusion and was stuck on it for a fucking hour, so I took a break from it and finally got a conclusion worked out and now im sitting here taking a break and being pissed off and I dont even know why, bleh. But I guess I can't sit and be angry for long because of my like shadow of homework hanging over me, so I'm off to do that..... lalalal
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Tuesday, October 26th, 2004

Time:8:03 pm.
Mood: sick.
yup, sick...again, I have such a weak immune system right now I don't know what's going on, i's starting to piss me off immensely ugh! SO I was sick and missed 1 1/2 days of school last week, and I missed school today, I guess there sin't much I can do about it but try and get totally better quick and then stay healthy. I have a sore throat now, which I hope will go away before our volleyball tournament this weekend, cause playing sick actually sucks so much. Aside from that I guess everything is going okay, i still need to get my wings for my halloween costume lol, so I think I'm going to do that on thursday because I don't have volleyball practice that day..Not too much has been going on in my life, everything is the same as usual lol, nothing has happened at all, it's kinda depressing, but whatever, maybe things'll be a little different once volleyball ends and stuff. I think once it does I'm going to go back to work if I can because I really need some sort of income lol, I am so poor lol. My work called me today and asked if I could come back anytime soon, so that's good that they want me back so I have a ob to come back to when I have a chance. Right now I'm just trying to find a voleyball club that I wanna try out for, Iwas gonna try out for Wahine in seattle, but my coach wants to try out for either Mercer or Narrows, so we'll see. I guess I have to pick one to try out for because ironically they put all the club tryouts on the same day lol, so that sucks, and ironically it's the weekend after districts, so I really won't have a weekend off until my birthday which really sucks because I really wanna go up to bellingham sometime soon and go see brandon, but I guess i'm not going to be seeing him until thanksgiving which definetely sucks... well I have to go finish some hw, blah
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Sunday, October 24th, 2004

Time:1:35 am.
Mood: drained.
jesus, i can't wait to start a new week, i'm just glad as hell that this one is over. This was probably one of the worst weeks of my life this past week. Everything just seemed to go wrong and nothing could go right and everything just plain got fucked up. I'm pretty sure winning our volleyball game on monday was the only decent thing that happened to me.. oy. Being sick and missing a day and a half of school is such a bitch in it's own, I have so much homework to do this weekend. and it's especially hard to type all this(well more painful) because of my sprained finger, oh man it hurts like a bitch.. it's all swollen and doing anything with my left hand hurts, I hope I don't mess it up even more in either my A) soccer game tomorrow or B) my volleyball game on monday, both are high possibilities and my dad (the doctor) told me that if I play my volleyball game on monda blocking that i am truly stupid lol...oh so reassuring..ah well whatever, aside from my nice little sports injury (I messed it up playing volleyball on friday) friday was such a bad day in every way.. that was the prime example of everything going wrong, it was real lame..classes sucked, practice sucked, sarahs was fun, but some stuff that night was real bad.. i got drunk which i thought would help but no it definetely really didnt, it was a relief to just go pass out... i woke up at like 11:45 today and was still really tired so i came home and took a nap and slept for about 3 hours, then I got up and went shopping for halloween costumes with cami and sarah, ah yes halloween weekend it going to be so much fun, my costume was so fun to buy ehhehe.... but anyways, yeah I have a volleyball tournament that saturday so that kinda sucks, luckily halloween is on sunday so yeah...after seattle went to sarahs and watched mean girls with some people and then i came home and now im just sitting here waiting for my parents to come home so I can go to bed cause my little sis is really sick and she cant really be left alone while sleeping cause she has a cough from hell... alright well im off to go download some music ay.
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